Britney Spears: Cheese Grits and Loneliness

"A lot of things that go on with me aren't right." Understatement of the year.

No topic was off limits. No question went unanswered. Yeah right.

Who would have believed, just a mere six months ago, that we’d find ourselves actually choosing to watch another Britney Spears “documentary”? Not that long ago, it seemed like pop’s wayward princess might self-destruct in a media explosion at the ripe age of 25.

But if tonight’s MTV soft-focus, slow-mo loving doc shows anything, it's the claustrophobic panic of being Britney Spears. Some highlights (or lowlights) from the show include:

• Being treated to this doc commercial-free, oh except for Britney's perfume ads.
  
• BritBrit eats cheese grits for breakfast, which her dad prepares with single-serve American cheese slices.
  
• Her dad is always looming in the background somewhere, telling her she's wearing "hooker shoes" at one point. It's nausea inducing. He also puts on one of the most terrifying masks we've ever seen to scare her kids.
  
• She makes a delicious jab at Katie Holmes' fashion sense during a shopping trip.
  

In a series of one-on-one interviews, Brit reveals her thoughts in a string of infinitely quotable soundbites:

By the time a Jocelyn Wildenstein-esque Madonna weighs in (in her odd British accent), you either want to rally the troops to free Brit from Daddy or you'll just be over yet another self-indulged puff piece from MTV's crack news staff.