Handicapping The Dancing With The Stars Competitors

Will it be the Moon Man, the Powerhouse, or the Prom Queen in the finals?

Just admit it! You WATCH this show.

Poor Kim Kardashian got bootied last night on Dancing with the Stars. Such is the way the mirror ball twirls. Here's how we're sizing up the rest of the competition:

Lance Bass--The Rebel. He and partner Lacey are bringing edge to the dance floor. Too much? Len says yes; America says no...for now.

Misty May-Treanor--The Powerhouse. Misty's proven to be a surprisingly capable dancer, but we're worried her full-throttle power may prove dangerous to the studio audience.

Toni Braxton--The Whisperer. Soft and smooth, Toni glides across the dance floor like a gentle breeze. Snore.

Cloris Leachman--Buster Keaton. Cloris is certainly a performer, but a dancer? That remains to be seen. We'll see how far she'll go with her slapstick antics.

Warren Sapp--Moon Man. Warren is defying gravity with each of his dances, flitting across the stage with the ease of a small girl.

Susan Lucci--Erica Cane. Susan insisted she was not her famed soap character. Yet the sighs, the exaggerated gestures, the hand to forehead? Pure soap drama.

Brooke Burke--Prom Queen. Brooke is good. She's also boring as all get out. She needs a dose of color, and we're not talking spray tan.

Maurice Greene--Mr. Potential. He's all right, and sweaty. A little finesse and Right Guard could take this sprinter a long distance.

Cody Linley--Superbad. He's a boy but he wants to be a man, if only Julianne will show him. Is that embarrassing to anyone but us?

Rocco DiSpirito--Reduced Sodium. Rocco isn't quite as tasty as we might have thought. He needs some spice, and quickness to stay in the competition.