Jessica Simpson Talks About Being "Fat"

Hi y'all.

If you wear a size four, you are now fat.

Now that everyone else in the world has provided their two cents on the fiasco that was Those Pants, J. Simp is breaking her silence. During a brief interview on CBS' "The Early Show"  Jess revealed that she is indeed happy and not wallowing in a pint of Chubby Hubby.

"Honestly, I am right where I'm supposed to be. I am so happy. Right now I'm on tour with Rascal Flatts, having a blast. We're at Madison Square Garden tomorrow. Everybody's just been so warm and welcoming. Lots of hugs, I like that... Texas style."

Lots of hugs because she's fat? Have they banned Flamin' Hot Cheetos from the tour bus? Jess should have just said she's pregnant and then people would get off her back. Come the end of nine months she can borrow Ashlee's Manhattan Borough baby (What's his name? Brooklyn? Queens? Staten Island?) and call it a day.

Or, put on a pair of pants that don't add 150lbs to your butt/midsection and make a reservation for lunch at The Ivy. Easy.

I should work in public relations.