Lindsay Lohan and Brangelina Are Not Invited

The Christmas guests from Hell.

The other day, we put together our ideal holiday invite list. Today, we're naming the people we'd least like to spend Christmas with. These folks make Mom's new boyfriend, Tad, and his pimply son, Scooter, seem like dream guests.

This is not the year to invite Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson into our home. Between the collapsing economy, the failing auto industry, his bozo bailout plan, and unfortunate cranium, the man will bring out the bah humbug faster than sour-faced Uncle Frank.

Nothing wreaks holiday havoc faster than a La Lohan on the loose. Popped cranberries, smashed ornaments, broken lights, and that's just in the first 10 minutes. Somehow standing on the Christmas table in pleather leggings lip synching "Edge of Seventeen"  just isn't our idea of Jingle Bell Rock.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt may be the most famous twosome on the planet, but they're banned from our holiday celebration. Can you imagine the mess those six kiddies would generate? And all that save-the-world talk? And who wants to look at Angelina Jolie while stuffing their twelfth cheeseball into their mouth?

We'd also slam the door in Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich's face. We can just see him taking under-the-table bets on whether we'll bring a BF home for Christmas next year and cussing out Aunt Gladys for drinking the last of the sherry. Plus, he'd never leave. Even after hours-and-hours of forceful prodding.

Rivaling him in the obnoxious and vile department: Alec Baldwin. Yes, we know, we put Alec on our dream invite list, but, honestly, he could go either way. One day, he's funny and charming, the next, he's calling people pigs, dissing Jennifer Aniston, and flying into uncontrollable rages. It's a gamble with Baldwin.