Spencer Pratt Vetoes Legal Marriage

She's terrified of the 'stache.

Will Spencer Pratt ever put a paper behind it?

So you’re probably as sick of this guy as we are, but we’re entering one final plea to Spencer - Sign the papers, marry the ho, and get along with your richy-rich life and off our TVs! We’re sick of the translucent facial hair, your grinch-like smile and the verbal vomit that comes out of your mouth.

This being said, we unfortunately (accidentally) tuned into the season finale of The Hills (hopefully the series finale!) last night, just in time to learn that Mr. Pratt and Miss Montag didn’t actually say “I do” on the warm beaches of Mexico.

Frankly, we’re not surprised. Who really thought this marriage was legit? We’re more surprised people actually care what goes on in the lives of these sideshow acts.

An MTV spokesperson told Us magazine in a statement that, "MTV crews captured Heidi and Spencer at the Beverly Hills Courthouse with the Deputy Commissioner who handles all civil unions. We filmed after hours at the request of the courthouse so our cameras would not inconvenience other couples getting married that day."

The only positive thing we have to say about this whole marriage license debacle is - Spencer Pratt, although repulsive, is a marketing genius.

Now, out with The Hills, in with The City!!