Sperm Bank Doesn't Want Red-Headed Semen

You mean you don't want your child to look like a fiery goblin?

Are You a Ginger? Cryos International Would Reject Your Swimmers

Red-headed step children have yet another monkey on their backs: sperm banks. The world's largest semen collector has announced that, due to very low demand, it will begin turning away red-headed sperm donors. (Effectively putting a monkey wrench into Carrot Top's fallback plan.)

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Cryos International, the biggest sperm bank in the world, says it has been turning away redheads because there just aren't enough people asking for red-headed children.

"There are too many redheads in relation to demand," said Ole Schou, director of Cryos International.

"I do not think you choose a redhead, unless the partner, for example, the sterile male, has red hair, or because the lone woman has a preference for redheads. And that's perhaps not so many, especially in the latter case."

However, there is one part of the world where gingers are in very high demand: Ireland. Schou says that in Ireland, where an estimated 10% of the population has red hair, semen from redheads "sells like hot cakes."

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Though there are anywhere from 6 to 18 million redheads living in the United States, apparently most people tend to want normal, plain-looking kids with brown hair and brown eyes. A redheaded kid, on the other hand, is just asking to get made fun.

So what's wrong with the red-haired? Historically redheads have been perceived as aggressive and belligerent (can you say Danny Bonaduce?), most likely because they've had to fight off endless jokes about freckles and risk being called fire crotch by drunken lothario oil tycoons.

Nowadays though, and speaking of fire crotch, they're associated with something even worse: Lindsay Lohan. And that's enough to make any parent wary of redheaded sperm.