Suzanne Somers on Oprah - Sharing the Secret to Health

GIVE ME PILLS

No, it's not the ThighMaster...

So Suzanne Sommers, everyone's favorite Three's Company hotpants lover, was on Oprah yesterday touting her new "secret" to looking great and staying healthy after menopause. My mom, who loved the ThighMaster back in the early-1990s would be a little put off by the lengths Suzanne is going to now. Why?

Well, she invited the Oprah crew into her home, then proceeded to show them her entire health-care regimen. Oh, except the part where she injects estriol into her ladybits. Thanks for that, Suzanne. But the entire process involves:

1. Rubbing hormone lotion on the inside of her upper arm.

2. Taking pills. 60 pills. 40 of them are taken in the morning, with a smoothie (of course), and the remaining 20 are gobbled down at night.

Asked why so many pills, Somers said, "I know I look like some kind of fanatic."

But she doesn't apologize for her extreme routine, applauding the impact it's had on her whole life. Oh, and she adds that thanks to this regimen, she's banished "the Seven Dwarfs of Menopause": Itchy, Bitchy, Sleepy, Sweaty, Bloated, Forgetful and All Dried Up."

I can't wait to get old now.