The History of St. Patrick's Day

IT'S ST. PATTY'S DAY!!

Have a seat, Lass, and I'll tell you a wee story.

A long, long time ago, before time even had a name, a bunch of doctors and philosophers got together and, after a few bottles of Jameson, declared unanimously that St. Patrick's Day is the greatest day of all time. So far, that's proven true.

What other time of the year can you ask for pots of gold, dress like a leprechaun and drink green whiskey in the street? It's like some absurd paradise for people looking for an excuse to party. So, if you're going to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, you better know the history behind it in case some Irishman calls you out and wants to have a jig-off. Study up.

The Man
The patron saint of Ireland, St. Patrick is credited with bringing Christianity to the Emerald Isle. Myth says that this green OG drove out snakes from Ireland, though this is probably just symbolic of his banishment of Paganism. He basically told all the Druids to get the F out, and now he's a saint.

The Color
Blue was actually the original color of Ireland, until green staged a coup and took its throne. The Irish national flower, the green shamrock, was made famous by Patrick because he used it to explain The Holy Trinity. Combine this with Ireland's now famous verdant rolling hills and you've got the perfect color for a nation.

The Traditions
Since Irish folk have brought the holiday to every part of the world, the celebrations are as widespread as they are diverse. The first parade was held in Boston in 1761, but New York currently has the biggest parade, where almost 2 million people showed up last year. In Dublin they have a five-day festival, and in Chicago they dye the river green every year.

Simultaneously pleasing and unbearably annoying, the tradition of pinching or mocking someone who is not wearing green probably came from rowdy American school-kids. From there originated the great tradition of punching children on St. Patrick's Day which, unfortunately, was outlawed once people realized we already do that on Halloween.