Woman Attacks Man With Bagel

This kid really didn't want to turn off his XBox.

What's up, Florida?

Two stories from the world of weird - AKA Florida - remind us that food is for consuming, not hurling.

Story #1 comes from Volusia County, FL, and is inspired by a bit of gamer rage. On Thursday, January 15, 19-year-old Zachary Moir took umbrage with his mom's suggestion that he turn off his XBox and come down for dinner. So enraged was he at having to leave behind his Left 4 Dead 2, that he stormed downstairs and threw a taco at his poor mom, Dena. She says of the brutal attack:

"I've been having trouble with him for a while. He won't work, won't go to school. He's being rude and disrespectful. Pushing things to the limit as far as the violence."

We're with you, Dena. Take that brat's controllers away and tell him to get the heck outta your house!

Cassady said "HOLD THE CREAM CHEESE," and she meant it.

Story #2 comes from perpetual news-font, St. Petersburg, FL, where 28-year-old Cassady Catolico was arrested for battery after throwing a bagel at the head of one Steven Bunaisky on Sunday, January 19. Yes, she battered him with a bagel. Reports are unclear as to why she chose the hole-y device as her weapon of choice, but they are clear about how she returned to harass the victim (in violation of an order of protection).

Bad form, Cassady. Bagels should only be loxed and loved, not used to further your campaign of terror.

What's next? Big Mac attacks?

As we reported last week, Miami was just named America's fattest city, so maybe Floridians are tired of being oppressed by their foodstuffs. Maybe this is just a preview into Food Rebellion 2009. Whatever the cause of the recent violence down there, we can only pray that no one takes to tossing anything really dangerous - like hot nachos.