An Open Letter to Lady GaGa

Step 1: Admitting you were a mermaid...

A modest proposal...

Dear Lady GaGa,

You've been appearing on streets worldwide sans pants for almost a year now. Not just sans pants, but sans skirt, legging, or spat. Yes, yes, you do occasionally wear some manner of supportive hose, but you always eschew all manner of bifurcated and unbifurcated covering. What could be the cause of your pants-avoidance?

The doctors at LimeLife have spent the past few months engrossed in research about this very troubling series of adventures, and have finally diagnosed the disorder you suffer so ignorantly from:

Ariel Influence Disorder Symptom

Step 2: Apologizing to your loved ones...

Sufferers of Ariel Influence Disorder Symptom are distinguished by their marked avoidance of all leg coverings, due to a fascination with their newly minted human legs. After years of having only a fishy tale, these poor afflicted souls are so enamored with their newfound bipedalism that they feel compelled to constantly expose their gams for the world to admire.

But it's not too late, GaGa, there is hope for you. If you enroll now in our brand-new, exciting treatment program, you too can enjoy the delights that many of us experience with a nice pair of jeans or a tasteful A-line skirt. The treatments range from counseling to medication, and all of it can be performed as an outpatient service.

Consider our plea and get the help you so deeply deserve today!

Best Wishes,

LimeLife Editorial

P.S. We have no cure for your tragic, OCD need to sculpt bows out of human hair. We're not miracle workers.