How to Disappear Like a Famous Person

Oh look! Tom Cruise grew a mustache for a new movie role.

This sophisticated program is how Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan evade paparazzi and AA counselors.

Everyone has somebody they don’t want to see. Whether it’s a maniacal ex-boyfriend who says he’s pregnant or a bounty hunter after you for unpaid waxing bills, the modern lady needs a way to go undercover.

Step One: The Name
Stars use a combination of their crappiest film and a favorite drink. For example: Kate Beckinsale gets by on “Serendipity Wallbanger,” and Nicole Kidman puts hotel reservations under “Stepford Riesling.”

Step Two: The Clothing
Any celeb will tell you how important a change of wardrobe is to remaining hidden. Try buying a pink trenchcoat and a hockey mask. Wear them around town and see how little attention you get.

Step Three: The Routine
If you’re serious about staying stealthy you have to make some sacrifices. Your previous man-dude knows you like the Starbucks on the corner? Well, it’s gonna be Peets from now on.