Michael Phelps' New Endorsement Deals Revealed!

Always prepared to smoke the competition.

He would've been good on a box of Weedies.

Poor Michael Phelps. The guy barely had a few months to bask in the glory of 37 gold medals before getting caught hitting the bong. Now, with sponsors like Kellogg and Subway dropping him, the world seems to be falling around him.

Well have we got news for you, Mikey! There are plenty of companies out there who would fit perfectly with your new lifestyle. Here are just a few:

Hostess

There's nothing tastier to a pot-head palette than fried, creamy goodness. Phelps could definitely do a commercial where he swims out to a giant pastry, and then when he gets back captain Ho-Ho has a Twinkie parade for him.

Tabasco

Hot sauce is the only condiment a true champion uses. That's why I, Michael Phelps, make sure to douse my burritos with only the finest. Nothing gets rid of dry-mouth like Tabasco.

Snoop Dogg

Dogg would take Michael under his wing and show him the seedy underbelly of marijuana use. Then Snoop would teach him how to turn various fruits into bongs, and Michael would teach Snoop the butterfly stroke.

Snuggie

It's the blanket that has sleeves! Not only would it keep him warm and safe from bong-water splahes, but it won't fall off like those other blankets when he reaches for his stash.