Beauties and the Beasts.
Ever wonder how it is that some stars seem to defy the laws of aging while others appear to be shriveled skin-wrappings for the crypt keeper?
We think about it plenty. So just for sport, let's pit the old souls against the young, the geriatrics against the cherry chap sticks, in what is sure to be a hootenanny-smack down of epic celebrity proportions.
Round One: Angelina Jolie vs. Tara Reid
Only a few months apart, Lady Pitt and the Lady in the Pits look like daughter and half-dead grandmother, respectively. But considering Reid’s nightly vodka-roofie shower, and Jolie’s virgin-blood breakfast shakes, this might not be so surprising.
Consensus: Tara Reid looks like hell's discount handbasket.
Round Two: Scarlett Johansson vs. Lindsay Lohan
It’s Scarjorough Fair against Lindsay Lohand-Me-The-Alkaseltzer, and there’s really no contest. While Scarlett is assuming her role as model of the new Hollywood starlet, Lindsay just plain needs a role model.
Consensus: It’s kind of sad when The Parent Trap is the high point of your career.
Round Three: Natalie Portman vs. Paris Hilton
Wait. Queen Amidala is the same age as that girl who single-handedly brought back the word hussy? Then again, perhaps it’s not so shocking when you consider Paris has been in the dirtbag-spotlight going on a quarter century now.
Consensus: We’ve all heard of One Night in Paris, but when does Sailing into Portman come out?
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