Should The Guy Pay? - Lad-Vice

Does the modern dude have to pony up on a date?

What to do with a sugarless sugar daddy.

Money and love don't mix. Each in its own way makes people bonkers, and a combination of the two creates terrifying human beings that will stop at nothing to destroy civilized society (ie. Bonnie and Clyde, Whitney and Bobbie, Bert and Ernie, etc.).

Only a professional should handle such a situation, as there are too many subtleties involved in separating love from money. This week's question, in fact, finds us sorting out just these same intricacies.

Dear Dr. Dude: "So I went to IHOP with this guy, Chaz, and everything was going great. He was handsome, charming, funny and could eat a mean plate of pancakes. But then the bill came. I figured he would pick up the tab, like a decent man, but instead he just looked around all awkward like until I got frustrated and paid for the thing myself. What happened to old-fashioned chivalry, and taking care of a woman? Will every man I meet expect me to buy his pancakes?"

  - Cloretta in Chattanooga, OK

Dear Cloretta: Now now, no need to get all man-hater just because one stingy jerk stuck you with the bill. Who knows, maybe he forgot his wallet, or maybe he spent the last of his cash on a sick kitten that needed a face transplant.

I say from now on just be upfront about it. Who says we have to be so scared of talking about money anyway? It's an uncomfortable situation for many people, sure, but it's even more uncomfortable when the check comes and no one knows what to do.

As a standard rule, since we're in the age of equality and financial turmoil and all, expect from here on out that most guys you meet will want to split the bill 50/50.

That said, girl, you got to get yours. You obviously know how to pay for others, so why not try to get them to pay for you?

Try planning ahead. Tell Chaz you're an old-fashioned gal who expects to be pampered and lavished with gifts. Then, if he takes you seriously, don't settle for anything less than diamond-studded Band-Aids and carriages pulled by Academy Award winners. That way, when you find out the guy pulling your sleigh only won a Golden Globe, you can ditch your man for obviously not caring about you enough.

Turn this boat around, Cloretta, and start taking advantage of these dopes. It's natural selection at its finest, and you're the more adapted animal. Get on out there and start weeding out the losers.

*Disclaimer*
Dr. Dude does not have a “professional” medical degree, per se, but he does have immeasurable experience in the field of human research. That makes his prescriptions both technically void and fantastically inexpensive! Use at your own risk.