The Windy City Gets Rocked - Rock of Love Recap

Bret Michael's wrangles his smokin' hot chicks.

Ahh another fun filled episode of The Rock Bus. Ten classy ladies remain and the competition is really heating up - well, kinda. If the hotness level is measured by the amount of underoo offage and the number of drinks before 9am - then this contest is hot, hot, hot.

The epi started out with some bad news - kind of a party foul, Bret! - Maria (before this episode I had no idea she was even on the bus) went to the hospital and then went home. We, the audience, never really got an explanation as to why she left, though I suspect she contracted Ebola from being on that bus fulla smokin' hot chicks. In a heart to heart convo, we also learned that Bret is a Type 1 diabetic and sometimes "the road isn't so rockin' when your blood sugar is low."

At any rate, the show must go on!  The ladies were faced with a "Roadie Challenge." Basically, they were split into two teams and tasked with dismantling Bret's other babies - his equipment - and by that I mean instruments.

Things were all fine and dandy until Taya, the ex-playmate, got a little too intense about the whole thing and did a crazy splits/belly flop/head-first dive off the stage. Let me just say, it looked like it hurt! Turns out, she was OK. She might have had a few black and blue marks and a sore crotch, but hey, isn't that the markings of a good night?

And let me tell you, those black-and-blue marks are nothing compared to Marcia's poor body. But then again, she does have a nasty taste for the drink and when your fall down drunk all day long - you're bound to have a battle wound or eight.

Onto the best part of the episode – Ashley's quotes. This girl is by far my fave. If blonde could be put into a bottle and sold, her pic would grace the label.

Here are a few masterminded sayings she dug up just for our viewing pleasure.

As Taya falls off the stage:
"If you wanna date a rock star, you better get used to falling off the stage, b*#!!!"

As Ashley daintily pukes over a trash can in the lobby of the hotel:
"Get over it, people puke and they poop their pants."

Again, at the hotel room:
"I'm drunk and I'm puking. But listen, this is the life of a rockstar!"

Again, while puking at the hotel:
"I'll puke on your mom – you're mom loves it!"

After puking:
F**K this, I just wanna cheeseburger!"

You can see why this girl is my absolute favorite. And, I guess I have good taste in groupies, 'cause during elimination ceremony Bret chose Ash to "rock his world" first. Really, I should probably quit my job over here at The Life and be a rockstar yenta for a living.

Too bad life isn't as good for Marcia - the girl described by Bret as being reminiscent of Tequila and Doritos - was given the ol' heeve ho off the tour.

Don't worry, Marcia - I'm taking a shot in your honor right now. Warm Cuervo with a Cool Ranch chaser, your fave!